Dear Guest Post Spammers,
Thank you so much for your constant offers to “collaborate” with Hoax-Slayer and write “amazing” articles for me to publish. All for free! And, all you want in return is one or two links back to some dodgy gambling website.
Having nothing better to do with my time, I truly enjoy reading through the twenty or thirty of your emails that I receive each and every week.
All that said, I do have a couple of suggestions that you might want to take on board for future reference.
To illustrate my points, I’ll use a couple of examples of your messages. Let’s start with this recent email from Jim.
I recently came across hoax-slayer.net, and thought you guys would be the perfect fit for an article i’m currently trying to write, titled: ’30 uncommon ways to celebrate your birthday’
My name is Jim and I am part of the [URL removed]; the worlds biggest money saving site.
Let me know if you are interested. I would love to discuss this with you further to get the ball rolling!
Um, Jim, my site is about scams, hoaxes, and computer security issues. Why on Earth, would I be remotely interested in publishing an article entitled “30 uncommon ways to celebrate your birthday”. Why, Jim, WHY?
And, Jim, with due respect, if you want to be taken seriously as a potential guest author, you might want to keep a close eye on your grammar, yeah? You might want to throw an apostrophe into the word “worlds” for example. And, call me old school, but I’d suggest that the “i” in the word “i’m” is just begging to be made a capital letter.
Jim, you asked me to let you know if I’m interested. Alas, my answer must be a decisive “no”. Let me be frank, Jim. Your email just annoyed me. And, that’s never a good start for a potentially positive collaborative relationship, now is it?
Why you might ask, was I annoyed by your email? Because it is abundantly clear that you never even bothered to look at my website before firing off your lame guest post pitch.
But, don’t feel too bad Jim, because your fellow spammer Maria annoyed me even more.
I was looking at the below page on your website that mentioned fashion, and I’m curious if you’d be open to me writing some unique content for your audience on the subject of men’s fashion. It was this page of your site that I was looking at:
Treasure Chest Sweepstakes Lottery Scam
When you have time, please let me know what you think. I’ve been writing about fashion related topics for some time now, and would love the opportunity to contribute unique content to your site. I can write an article or two. Thanks you!
Ok, Marie, no worries. Yes, I can certainly see why that 8-year-old article about an advance fee lottery scam that you linked to would make you think that I’d like to publish an article about men’s fashion.
Wait, what? Actually, the article didn’t mention fashion in even the vaguest way. It’s about scammers that try to scam people via… you know… scam emails. Perhaps these scammers dress rather fashionably using all the money that they steal off innocent people. Is that what you were getting at?
Or, perhaps, you’ve somehow been able to peer into my home office (damned webcam malware) and have taken note of my splendid sartorial elegance? Shorts and coffee-stained t-shirt are the new black, I understand.
So, Maria, you wanted me to let you know what I think? Well, I think you insult me because you pretended to know what my website is about when you obviously have no clue. I think it will be a cold, dark day in hell before I would ever deal with a grotty little spammer like you. So, ‘”thanks you” too. For just kinda wasting my precious time, as Bob Dylan might say. But, don’t think twice, it’s alright.
If I was a cynical type of person, I might even be inclined to believe that you use some manner of – very ineffectual – spamming software that scrapes websites for potential content and fires off lame guest blogger spam emails. Some of your other little spammer friends have recently offered me articles with the following titles:
- What is Intentional Tort and its consequences
- Are Men More Aggressive Investors Than Women?
- 10 Things About the Stock Market You Simply Must Know
- What is The Best Digital Camera For Beginners
And many more such offerings, all of them totally off-topic for my website.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have an issue with you pitching an idea for an article. But here’s what your pitch would need to include to keep me from immediately hitting the “delete” button.
- Evidence that you actually looked at my website and have taken the time to work out what it’s about.
- Evidence that the post you want to submit is not just another dodgy and ineffective SEO linking strategy.
- Links to examples of your work as well as your own website, social media page, or online profile.
- A brief summary of the article that you are considering writing for my site.
- Evidence that you have a reasonable command of written English.
Alas, I don’t think any of you guest post spammers are ever likely to read this report. That would involve actually visiting a site that you wanted to write for, now wouldn’t it? As if that’s going to happen!
But, I enjoyed my little venting session anyway!